I guess I'm Miss. September

I found out that there were 13 cases in BC (at 3 cancer centres) during 2005 to treat low-risk Gestational Trophoblastic Disease. I guess I'm Miss September for 2006. Of course, as it was pointed out to me, there were many, many more cases of molar pregnancies in BC where the women's hcg levels decreased to zero on their own. Why do I like statistics? It seems to satisfy something in me somehow, I don't know why.

I looked in the mirror and boy, do I look like hell. M is a super husband and he says I look great...but a little green. I look yellowie/green. I've bonded with the lady in the next bed to me. She's really nice but has been having a hard time with her chemo/radiation treatment. It's made her very sick and uncomfortable. She said, "You know, it's life. You have your good days and you bad." True. She told me about her sister that had many miscarriages (1st and 2nd trimester) and she finally had cerclage (I think that's the right term) in Switzerland by the doctor that treated Sophia Loren! This woman's sister had to stay in bed for the whole nine months. Now that's bed rest. This was like 30 years ago I think she said. Her sister had 2 children. I love hearing about these sad/happy ending stories now.

Oh! I'm almost forgot to write. My levels have dropped! 270. Thats 4400 (or more because I was tested on Friday and didn't start treatment to the following Monday) down to 270. Great news! I'm so grateful that this is working.

Lessons learned so far:
- getting pregnant and having a baby is a journey
- I'm good at sticking up for myself
- chemo (this chemo) is as bad or scary as I thought
- I need to stop thinking that I'm so bad off
- Occasionally it's okay to feel sorry for myself (probably more often than I let myself)

I'm sure there's more. I'm open to learning as much as I can from this. I can see now why doctors don't get too concerned about this condition. It is curable, plain and simple. But man, did it scare the hell out of me and it's never very good to be cocky, is it? Everyone's body reacts so differently.