10:24pm Now I'm feeling pathetic

M left. He needed to get a good sleep. I'm a big girl. I should try to sleep but I don't really feel tired but I should try. This place is so creepy...I mean how could a cancer clinic at night not be creepy? This stuff is working though. My levels have come down. I've been told I'm going to get really irritated with coming to have these treatments. But hey, I am so grateful. I've met some people here and well, I'm grateful that I'm doing okay.

Someone asked the Dalai Lama, who is in town (see previous post), how he would define 'happiness' specifically. He said, and I quote, "I don't know" and he laughed. Is he keeping something for all of us who would really like to know? Then he went on to talk about how he feels happy after a really good breakfast. I can relate to that. We have this awesome breakfast place near us where you can sit out on the patio and you can even order wine with your "brunch" if you want. I think I like everything I've eaten there. They even serve fresh scones with real jam and butter before breakfast. The coffee is good. The tomatoes on the side are amazing. I love good breakfasts, especially eaten in the sun. M's favourite is eggs benny with the smoked salmon. He always orders that and I love it that he always orders the same thing. Okay I feel better just writing about eating brunch there. Another bonus is that it's right outside our door on the seawall and you can do a lot of people watching.

The chemo has finally kicked in and I feel pretty crappy. I totally forgot what this stuff feels like. I feel bloated (from all the fluids), not willing to concentrate, tired, cranky. I wonder if it's the chemo or the anti-nausea meds. Man it's cold in here. Oh, they were mistaken when they showed me where the hot blankets are kept. They don't know that that's my favourite comfort activity. I love rolling in laundry that's warm out of the dryer. Weird, I know but very comforting. I guess I'm off to get a blanket and pee for the millionth time. I'm not spell-checking this because I'm too damn tired. And I'm on chemo and I don't have to do anything I don't want to. Maybe I'll try to watch some bad TV. So far, we've watched like 7 Gilmore Girls from a DVD I rented. M is so great to watch it with me. We talk about it like a soap opera. It's light fluff and funny, perfect for the hospital. It's good to have an escape. I wish I could go home to sleep.