I want to run away to Nelson. I have this over-powering urge to pack up all of our stuff and drive far away. I suppose this would have to wait until after I finish all of the chemo. At the moment, I can't even fathom going through this again and again and again. Oh my. I'm feeling sorry for myself today.

Someone explained their experience of grief to me. It comes, they said, in waves and the waves might be gentle or they might be like huge surf crashing down on the beach. How would I explain my grief today? Okay...I'm a turtle that's climbing up the slope of beach. I cover some ground and then a giant wave comes and sweeps me back down the beach into the ocean where I have to once again work hard to make my way back up. Oh yeah, and did I mention that the waves wash my eggs away too? So I'm paddling around trying to rescue my eggs but I know they're doomed and I'll have to wait another year before I can lay more eggs. (Sigh) Well, it's not exactly poetic but it seems to capture how I feel.

About Nelson. I've always wanted to move there. It's a smaller, artsy town that is located in the most beautiful area. What would I do there? Grow a garden. Work at a bookstore or a cafe. Teach. Some people would probably say that I want to run away from my problems, that I want to forget about all this ever happening. Who can blame me?