Preparing for the Last Go-around

The last chemo treatment is tomorrow so it will be the last of many things:

- last IV line
- last time dragging the IV around behind me
- last anti-nausea drugs
- last time rooming and living for 24 hours with a person whose very ill with cancer
- last time to smell that awful smell of hospital food
- last week of chemo-induced hangover

I'm sure that there are many more things that I will be able to add to this list. I am so thankful to soon be able to look back on this whole experience. It will be over. Done. Finito.

I wonder how I'll look back on this whole time? Will I have gleaned some shiny nugget of wisdom that I haven't been illuminated with yet? Will I have blocked it all out?

We're looking at yet another apartment today. I'm trying not to get too attached. Like every place we've seen, there are pros and cons. I feel sad about leaving the neighborhood that we're in. It's time though. And as M and I keep saying, we can always move somewhere else after that. We're not stuck there if we don't like it. I used to be so at ease with moving because I was doing it every year for quite awhile. Now it feels like a huge effort but I know that most of it is in my mind.

I've been wondering if I should start a new blog to mark the end of this time...the 'going through chemo time'. Maybe it's good though to have a space devoted to checking in with where I'm at with the greiving and the processing of this whole experience. Soon I will start work again and be consumed with it and it might be nice to have a place to revisit how I'm feeling.