Let the rain pour down. It is like a rainforest outside and I LOVE IT! Oddly enough, I have been craving rainy weather since the summer. It goes with mourning a whole lot better than sun-shiny-bright-isn't-it-gorgeous-out weather. Now it's not like I'm moping around everyday all the time. I'm functioning pretty well...getting walks in for exercise, writing in my journal, shopping, cooking, seeing friends and family. However, it ('it' being grief and anxiety - they seem paired) sneaks up on me and I do have weird little freak outs like last night.

I had what felt like a hormonal surge or something. I was worrying about everything - about the pain in my arm that could be a bloodclot, about how I have put on weight, about whether we'd ever move, about being lost on my path in life, about why I can't save much money and so on and so on. My poor M was on the receiving end of all this anxious bile. I don't know what came over me but I was suffocating in the hand of fear. Yikes. Maybe my hormones are sorting themselves out. Since I'm down to zero I should get a period fairly soon.

I've been reading "a little pregnant" blog lately. Julie is the author and she has such a good sense of humour. Where are these people in the flesh when you need them? I want a big sister who has been through the wringer to have her child and who can console me with humour. And what a great community "a little pregnant" blog is! I really hope that women who have had molar pregnancies will start blogs. So far, I have found 3 other women who have blogged/are blogging about their experiences. Molar pregnancies are such a unique experience that not many people know about. We need eachothers' support.

So I'm going to bundle myself up in several layers and make my way fearlessly through the rainstorm to the downtown library. I'm going to get some good books and then order a coffee. Simple pleasures on a simple Sunday.