2 Pregancy losses + chemo + no work = more weight and big credit card bill

No kidding. I have gained 10 pounds, plus a new digital camera (for a new hobby), leather jacket (I felt really good in it), pants (needed these because of increased waist size), shoes (really needed these), mp3 player (for the hospital), and a dvd player (gift for my hubby). So much for buddhism and non-attachment. It's clear that I'm trying to fill some kind of void. Except it doesn't work that way as good old Pema has explained. Yes, I'm still reading and things are still falling apart.

This is a weird time. Work's on hold. I was going to make this time useful and join something like a pottery class or yoga or a writing group. Maybe, as one person said, the chemo is enough. It's enough to go through this experience. I don't have to make it count for anything more.

I've read a number of blogs on babymaking and I amazed by how funny some women write about the tragedy in their life. Good for them! I marvel at that talent. There are so many blogs on ttc by in-vitro. Then there's single women ttc and recurrent miscarriages and the list goes on. I'm not quite sure where I fit in. Story of my life.

My impression is that many people are blogging for similar reasons. They are processing their experiences and their grief. They are wanting to connect with others who have experienced something similar. They are wanting their trials to mean something and help others. Welcome to the internet's warm, fuzzy side.

Speaking of warm and fuzzy, I am totally enjoying my new robe and slippers. It helps for nights like these when I have to get up and go in the other room because any slight movement and M growls and snarls at me. Pretty soon he'll be fast asleep and I can tiptoe back to bed to continue my tossing and turning.