Looking Back

I can't believe that it is a new month again! Last december we hadn't been ttc yet. I was finishing up my first, full-time term of teaching. 2006 has been quite a year. Pregnant in February, miscarried in March, pregnant again in June, molar pregnancy diagnosed in July, chemo started at the end of August.

I started this blog as a way to process all of these experiences, to integrate them into my life. Much of the time, I feel like all of this has happened to someone else. Isn't it interesting how we form our stories of ourselves? I guess in some ways, these things did not happen to me but happened to the me of the past. It has left my mind reeling. The me of the past went through all of these things quite courageously, I must say. Why is the me of the present so obsessed about reliving it all?

Another reason that I started this blog was to share my experiences and create community. I've met a lot of women who have had a molar pregnancy through mymolarpregnancy.com. That has made a huge difference to be able to speak to women who have and are going through this. Also, two women emailed me after reading my blog to share their own experiences. This meant a lot. Since writing this blog, I have found hundreds of other blogs by women who are trying to conceive. I realize that I am not alone on this path.

Soon I will be back to work. I wonder how things will change. Will the feelings of loss intensify or diminish? I imagine I will continue to ride the wave as I have been doing.