Little Loved Ones they Lost

I sat down at my usual spot at Granville market, with my favourite latte (they make a beautiful design out of the coffee and the foamed milk) and a crepe (a spur-of-the-moment splurge). I was preparing to settle in for an hour or so of writing and reading and sipping and savouring. Then I noticed the headline of the Vancouver courier left on my table: "A grief delayed". Intrigued, I began to read and I'm glad I did.

The article described how the local cemetery has established a memorial garden that commemorates all the babies that died between 1914 and 1971. These babies were buried in mass graves and their short lives were not celebrated or mourned with a funeral or a headstone. The article describes how "in those days" the pain of infant deaths and stillborns was swept under the carpet (sound familiar?) and the parents and families were counseled to stay strong and put it behind them.

The cemetery manager, Glen Hodges, who planned the memorial garden at Mountain View cemetery became interested in planning this memorial garden after he found out about these mass graves. It became even more of a priority after his wife had a miscarriage. He said "We were devastated. I don't know if it compares to losing a child after birth, but it was really difficult to deal with."

Now, as a result of this project that Hodges has organized parents, many of whom are now grandparents, can find out if their baby that passed away many years ago is buried at Mountain View. They can purchase a stone that can be engraved with their little loved one's name. Their grief can now be recognized in a more "official" way by society.

This was the first time that I had read any human interest story about miscarriage and infant loss in the local media (except for Pamela Andersen's recent miscarriage). It was so thoughtfully written and such a beautiful story. I only wish that this manager had thought of a way to include babies lost to miscarriage because unfortunately, this absence continues to maintain the status quo that miscarriages are to be grieved about in private (and in silence).

In Japan, women or families place Jizo statues in the cemetery. I would consider doing something like that for many reasons. One of the reasons would to be see how many others have been through this tragedy and to feel connected and not alone. Also, there may be others there grieving for their loss outwardly.

Perhaps I will write something on a small stone to commemorate my miscarriage and I'll place it among the other stones that are there, in the dry river bed memorial at Mountain View. Would that be disrespectful to the babies buried there? Hodges planned it so that there was one stone for each child that is buried. I would be changing the integrity of the memorial. I'll have to think on that. It may not be appropriate.