Day of Rest

It's Sunday and I'm musing about religion. I grew up Catholic but haven't been a practicing Catholic in awhile. I didn't get married in the Catholic church and that caused a very devout auntie of mine to write me a letter saying that "The Catholic Church is not a smorgosborg you know!". I laughed about that one for awhile. I wonder if I will have my babies baptized? Yes, I will have babies one day.

I could use some spiritual therapy. I went to a Crystal singing bowls session awhile back before the chemo started. It was very unusual and so cool. The therapist set up crystal bowls in a circle around me and then played them. It was the most amazing experience. Certain pitches caused me to feel tense and uncomfortable while other tones made me feel like I was melting away.

I have urges to visit a Catholic church. I remember going into Notre Dame church in Paris one early morning. It was very peaceful. There's something about being in such a beautiful, quiet, sacred building. I don't agree with so much of what the Catholic Church spouts but I like many of the rituals. I like lighting a candle below the Virgin Mary statue and saying a prayer for a loved one. I like some of the stories of saints. I like holy water and Virgin Mary medals and rosaries. I have a friend who understands this. She doesn't go to church either and has huge issues with the Catholic Church but she talks about feeling comforted by many of the rituals. She asked to see a priest when she was in the hospital, in excrutiating pain from a back injury. They prayed together.

Yes, I need that. I need the quiet calm that comes with prayer and a space devoted to peace. I'm not sure where I should go but perhaps I could to explore a few places. It's another place in life where I don't really feel like I fit in but I don't care. I'm okay with being complicated.