Chantelle 2.0

My husband has dubbed the changes he sees in me as Chantelle 2.0. As in, the newest version of Chantelle (he's a genius computer geek). He says that Chantelle 2.0 tells people how to treat her and she stands up for herself more often. He also says that Chantelle 2.0 crys more easily and doesn't put up with people's bullshit. I love the way he helps me to see myself in new ways. He is my best friend. I love him like a poem loves a reader, like coffee loves a cup, like a blog loves words, like soup loves a cold, rainy day. I had a dream/s last night and all of our male friends were in it and they each gave me a hug. It was a nice comforting hug from a friend. And when I woke up my husband gave me a big hug and I just started to cry. It was his hug, his love that I was feeling in my dream.

I went out with a friend today and I was not looking forward to explaining my situation yet again. I know that sometimes she (lovingly)rushes in to try and fix things and make me feel better. Chantelle 2.0 was able to tell her about a poem I recently read (she's a poet so I knew that she would listen up) and one of the line says "I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it." She got it and I was so thankful. She also shared with me about how, even now, with her babies grown into children, she still feels the fear of them being taken away from her. So, it is a continuous journey. It is life. With all of the beauty and pain and joy and loss.