Structured self-care healing plan:

- Yoga (I went today!!) every day or other day
- Weekly counseling session
- Weekly walk with friend
- Daily writing/blogging
- eat at least every 4 hours
- drink lots of water/fluids
- Knitting group
- Dancing at night in the dark
- Perhaps massage?

I am developing some structure for my days and it's all about self-care and nuturing. I can't believe I can spend all of this time focused on me! What a rare gift. I'm coming to accept this gift because it feels much better than worrying or living in the future or the past.

So while I was sweating away at yoga, I thought about how there are all these classes for pregnant women and mom and babies but there are no specific classes for women who are grieving the loss of a baby. Why is there no recognition of this experience in our society? It makes me so annoyed! The whole message is "get over it" or "grieve in private". There are all of these women out there trying to make it through such a difficult time and there is really very little support. Am I identifying too much with my loss? I just want some validation.

I came across two cards today that were congratulating me on my first pregnancy. When that pregnancy ended in miscarriage, I did not receive condolence cards from those same people. Why is that? Are people afraid that you will take it the wrong way or be reminded of your loss? I feel that it should be treated like a death in the family. Maybe other women who have lost a baby feel differently. Anyone who might be reading, what do you think?

I want to develop some kind of ring or charm or something that indicates to other women that you've had a babyloss. Often I find myself looking around at various women and wondering, "have you lost a baby?", "have you?", "what about you?". I was in Safeway awhile back and I noticed this pregnant, 40-something year old mama nearby picking out some peaches. We struck up a conversation and I kid-you-not, I nearly asked her if it had been easy journey for her. Would she have been offended? Perhaps I should have taken the risk but I was afraid I'd start crying into the peaches.