The Complete Egg

The before, during and after of a molar pregnancy, with a side of chemo and a 12 month wait before ttc. And most recently: experience of a healthy pregnancy.

Wednesday, May 07, 2008

Written on 5/7/08

Holy cow I'm tired right now. Gaaaahh. Okay, so life right now is composed of a lot of nursing...a lot. I am really looking forward to week 6 when I can start pumping and Malcolm can give him a bottle. I like breastfeeding, however I think that Liam has been having a growing spurt because he seems to be feeding ALL the time. Still, I am having the time of my life with this cool little babe. He has so much personality even being this small. It's amazing. He's mostly pretty chilled out but he has an impatient side too which he shows when he's hungry. He gives a lovely piercing scream. You wouldn't think it from looking at this angelic picture of him.

The postpartum period has been fairly good. It is certainly a charged time. There is so much to integrate and I've been exhausted. I have felt enormous love, paranoia (didn't want to hurt the baby by accident), and joy and sometimes all in the same moment. It has blown me away how much I LOVE Liam. Not only do I love him but I really like him too. He seems very thoughtful when I look into his eyes. There's already so much intelligence there.

I've been trying to finish this post now for over a week now. Liam is 5 weeks today. Things are starting to feel more settled. We wake up about twice in the night now which is pretty good. Feedings and changes can take up to 40 minutes though so for me, it's like he's waking up every 2 or 2.5 hours. I know it won't go on forever. Tomorrow we will go and purchase a pump so that I can express some milk and Malc can give him a bottle.

Now, to get off talking about my baby, I've been thinking about some women who might be reading this during their molar pregnancy journey. I remember that during that time I read babyfruit's blog (a woman who had experienced 4 miscarriages and then had a baby) and it helped me to feel not alone. I hope that this blog reaches out to others and gives them comfort and hope. You may be like I was and worry about whether or not you will be able to have a child. The chances are extremely high that you will have a baby and you will treasure that baby so much. I think that the miscarriages, the molar, and the chemo, have led me to be a better mother. I am so happy to be with Liam and I haven't once yet taken him for granted. I want other women who have had a molar pregnancy to take heart. What you are going through is incredibly hard and painful. Honor your experience. Grieve. Cry. Look for joy in small pleasures and keep faith that you will realize motherhood.


Blogger Lori said...

Hi Chantelle,
You may not remember me, but we were members of My Molar Pregnancy together around the same time. I just wanted to let you know how precious your baby is and wish you the best.

7:17 AM  
Blogger Chantelle said...

Hi Lori,

Yes, I do remember you! Hope you are doing well? How's motherhood treating you?

- Chantelle

7:24 PM  
Blogger Single, Pregnant- Not Pregnant, Single said...

Hi Chantelle,

I can't tell you how much reading your blog has helped me. I live in Montreal and was diagnosed with a partial molar preg 2 days ago. Because of the weekend, have to wait until Monday to have my first blood test (so I guess I won't know anything until the second blood test a week from then).

It's so great to read about your baby boy - I am thrilled for you, and inspired by you. And I adore the name Liam.

How did you get through that waiting time?

It took me so long to decide to get pregnant (I'm 38 and single) and when I finally did... was told I miscarried at my 3 month ultrasound. I then had to have a D and C (one month ago) and only 2 days ago got the pathology results and the bad news. I LOVE your line about feeling slapped in the face after being hit in the stomach. I also love what you said about viewing the waiting time as a breather from the intense baby-making experience... I can see that, but am still having trouble truly seeing that glass as half full.

I'm hoping my numbers go down to zero very quickly (it's already been a month since the D and C) and hoping I might be able to try in 3 months, although I know I will be advised to wait longer.

Just wanted to say, thanks again and again for your blog - it's amazing in so many ways.

Good luck with your little miracle and enjoy every minute of it (despite the sleep deprivation, etc etc).

Single, Preg-not-Preg, Single

9:29 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I found your blog to be completely inspiring. I only wish I would have found it sooner! I was diagnosed with a complete mole in May of 2009, and just found your blog this November. It's now December, and just today I've received the "all clear" - my six month wait is over!!! Thank you, from the bottom of my heart. I now know that there is light at the end of the cold, dark tunnel. Thank you, thank you, thank you!


1:36 PM  
Blogger Chantelle said...

Thank you so much for your comment. It means a lot to hear that reading this blog has helped you feel comforted. Congrats on the "all clear"! That's terrific! Best of luck.

6:28 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Chantelle,

I found out that I had a complete molar pregnancy three months ago and, after it looked like my levels were dropping steadily, they started to rise again last week. I'm going into hospital tomorrow and, if they haven't fallen, I will start chemo.

The last week has been so difficult. I was just managing to feel more positive when I got the news about my levels.

It feels as though I have a very long journey ahead of me. However, I feel so much better after reading your blog. Congratulations for making it through, and for having Liam. I'm so glad that you wrote about your experience because it's really helped to give me hope.

There are a few parallels in our experiences - I also had a miscarriage a couple of months before the molar pregnancy. I am a teacher too, and found it both difficult and comforting to be consumed by full time work after my surgery. I'm due to teach a mixed age group class next year, and I'm not sure how I'm going to manage. I don't even know if I'll be able to be there at the start of term - it depends on whether I need chemo, and how that chemo will affect me. We are also trying to find somewhere new to live - like you were during your treatment. I'm getting calls several times a day from estate agents who I contacted before I heard the news about my levels. I don't know what to say to them, so I just let the phone ring. I feel like my life has been put on hold. A lot of the time I feel so angry that this had to happen. I don't know how to adjust to it. I should be five months pregnant now - if I hadn't had a molar pregnany. If I hadn't miscarried before that, our baby would have been born next month.

Thank you again for writing your blog

Best wishes

4:40 AM  

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