A Big Ho, Ho, Ho to Everyone

and for those of you not feeling very Christmassy...forgetaboutit! Sometimes it feels great to take a holiday from Christmas. I know that's what we did last year and it was the right thing to do.

I have a lull between my Dad leaving and going over to my brother's for Christmas dinner so I'm doing a bit of surfing and blogging. Why not? We had a nice 24 hours. I cooked a super yummy meal last night - stuffed pork loin with an apricot glaze, scalloped potatoes (very cheezy), salad, veggies. Mmmmm. I've had to reduce my portions somewhat because I feel so bloated and full after I eat a meal. It feels uncomfortable. And then comes the gas - woah, look out! My Dad and I went to midnight mass which was beautiful. Then today, Malc, my Dad and I opened gifts. Malc got me a diamond bracelet (awww) and his parents spoiled us. I especially liked the album they put together of Malcolm as a baby and small child. I have been asking to see baby pictures of Malcolm for a long time and his mom had said that they are all piled into a big box. That was very thoughtful of her to go through them and make a nice album. We'll see my mom and brother tonight and open gifts.

I'm feeling relaxed now. I had a stressful last week of school and was sleeping really badly. It seemed that I transferred all of my stress and anxiety to my pregnancy. I actually called the midwives to see if they could squeeze me in and check the heartbeat. Thankfully, the lovely receptionist did manage to fit me in. I think that the midwife was quite surprised to see me and was wondering what brought me in. "Random insecurities," I replied. Once I heard the heartbeat all the stress welled up and I started crying. I have to explain that I am not comfortable with crying - at all. I know that there is nothing wrong with it but I have such a hard time with it. I talked with the midwife a bit about the stress I've been going through and the insecurities that will well up. It's like I start to feel panic-y when I feel too confident. It's some kind of protection mechanism. I want to be open and vulnerable and enjoy the confident feelings. I thought that I had past these feelings but I see that it's a bit like a spiral and I will circle back to these feelings once in awhile.

Well, I ought to go get ready for dinner now. Hope everyone is able to try and feel some of the light and love today.