21 weeks on Sunday

Where does the time go? I am so tired tonight. It's been a long week. Report cards are done and now we're on to the fun hype of Christmas. It's been a good week all around.

Malc and I are throwing a Christmas party tomorrow night. I think I'm looking forward to it. I'm worried I'm going to fall asleep or want to fall asleep. I still have to go out and get a Christmas tree and the food. Then there's the preparing the food, which is fun but can be tiring. I am happy that we're doing this though. I would love to run away to Hawaii this Christmas. God, that would be great! Ooohhhh, the sun! I miss the sun. Actually, we have had a couple of cold, sunny days this week which has been great. Last weekend it was snowing and it was so beautiful. Then it rained. Monsooooooon rain. Unbelievable-crashing-down, Noah's-arc- floating-by, afraid-to-be-swept-away rain. Wacky weather.

I've been attending prenatal yoga. It's been great. I do feel a bit stupid and uncomfortable at times, with all the smooshy talk. Not sure that that makes sense. The teacher likes us to introduce ourselves, share how far along we are and how we're feeling. Sometimes I'm not interested in this. I want to do yoga. I get so much interaction during the day, I want me time and peacefulness. I don't want to have to give others my attention. Isn't that unreal? I sound like a selfish b*tch. I'm one of those people that does not recharge through meeting new people. And just because I'm going through a similar experience doesn't mean I'm going to connect with these other pregnant ladies. I think that shows how tired and cranky I am. If I was well-rested I might be a little more open and willing to meet new people. It is good knowing others with babies and small children.

I'm actually allowing myself to feel more confident lately. I did feel a bit insecure at the beginning of the week after I let the staff at my school know. It was the first time in a few weeks that I started to feel panicky about the baby again. Luckily, we had a midwife appointment on Tuesday and all was well. Wasn't sure how much I connected with this midwife though. There are 3 on the team. There's one on the team that I really like a lot. We did hear baby's heartbeat again.

The movements and kicks are still there and a little stronger. It's quite cool. I'd love to have a doppler and listen to the baby's heartbeat more often.

It was weird telling the staff. I'm glad they know but pregnancy is so commmon at our school that it's really not a big deal. Which is fine. There's no problem I guess. The teachers at my school are exceptional teachers. I think that everyone's a bit stretched thin by the amount of challenging classes and complexity of a big school with multiple programs. Ahhhhh. Time for bed. Time to relax. I am so ready for the holidays. Feeling grateful for everything though. Love, love, love.