The Complete Egg

The before, during and after of a molar pregnancy, with a side of chemo and a 12 month wait before ttc. And most recently: experience of a healthy pregnancy.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

I've been resisting a lot lately. Resisting writing, resisting walking, resisting being at work. I haven't felt very inspired for the past few days. I've had a few moments but mostly I've been resisting daily routines. I've been getting to work later and leaving earlier. That feels great but maybe it's not a good sign. Although, I've also poured my heart and soul into teaching for the last 4 years and maybe I'm now shifting priorities to honor this new life that is emerging. I don't know. Am I checking out? Maybe that's "normal". I know what it is. It's the January doldrums. It's the knowledge that the weather is rainy and dreary for the next 2 months and there are no holidays until Spring break in March. That's what it is. And so I need to plan some nice dates - plays, dinners, social events. And take a day off now and again to nurture myself.

I'm considering finding a doula. Maybe I don't need one but hey, any extra pampering/support is a big plus. I've signed up Malcolm and I for a prenatal class. I guess I'm in week 27. Almost into my 3rd trimester. I can't believe that. I feel like I should be bigger but the midwife assured me last week that my fundus is measuring within the range and the baby is kicking and fine. So I need to relax. Oh, that makes me think of booking a massage. That sounds good. We're trying to pay off debts though so I'm trying to conserve money. And I'm trying to go through our storage cupboard and clear out a bunch of crap. There's so much to do before I start mat leave. Maybe I can get some help from friends and Malc will definetly help. Ahhh, what the hell is wrong with me? I sound stressed out.
The baby kicks quite often now. I like it. I feel like I have some sort of pinched nerve in my back (sciatica?) which is disappointing because we just got a new bed which is so comfortable. It couldn't be related to our new, comfortable bed could it? I thought it would make such a difference. I did sleep better last night. Who knows?
I'm kind of bummed out that my last two entries have been negative. I'm using my sun lamp more now so maybe that will make a difference. SAD and all that. It has been really gloomy around here. I haven't talked to my friend since when I found out her daughter has cancer, but I was forwarded a website that is keeping us updated on her progress. Apparently, her tumor has shrunk quite significantly from the chemo treatments which is good news. I hope my friend is okay. Of course she's not but she's strong and loving and positive. Somehow she will make it through. She was one of my friends who was really genuine and compassionate when I was going through my chemo. I never would have dreamed that this would happen to her. Who would?
I resolve to be more positive next time. Send us some sunshine! Lord knows, I need it.


Blogger Jen said...

January and February are so gray and dreary and blah. I don't want to be at work either!

I did want to let you know that we got a new mattress topper (1" of memory foam) and Cait loved it immediately and I slept worse and had backaches for a couple of weeks but now I LOVE IT. Give your body a little time to adjust.

5:38 AM  
Blogger Anna said...

Sometimes I feel like I am reading about my own life on your blog, I relate so well to what you write! I can really relate to the zoning out at school. It must be partly season related, but I really am sure it is your psyche getting ready for a new life beyond school. It so consuming at school, your brain has to make space for change!

I can't think of anything better for you back than a new bed! I don't think it would matter what your did, your back would hurt at this stage of pregnancy! My physio told me 80% of pregnant women experience back pain! That's pretty high!

Take it easy and definitely invest in some massage and fun times. Bring some sunshine back to BC!

4:46 AM  

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