People are so lovely. I emailed Jen (of Addition Problems) and she has replied with two very thoughtful and supportive emails. She and her partner had a PMP in 2004 and she narrowly avoided chemo. Now they have a beautiful daughter. Yay! I'm so glad that the internet exists and I can connect with other women who are going/or have gone through this. I've been encouraging other women on mymolarpregnancy.com to begin a blog. It's another way to create community.

M and I are in limbo land at the moment with the (potentially) new apartment. I've been noticing how the feelings that it's bringing up is similar to that time in pregnancy (after a previous loss) before you have the first ultrasound. There's hope, fear, excitement and a roiling stomach. One minute, you're sure it's going to work out fine because the universe loves you and the next minute, you're realizing how fragile this new life is...how it might not work out again. I musn't be negative. It all felt so right yesterday that I need to ride that feeling and not get all caught up in the fear. It doesn't help a damn bit.

We've put in the application (along with another couple that was there viewing the apartment) and now we have to wait. M just looked up Iranian business practices on the web to try and give us some insight into the way that our rental management guy conducts business. Apparently, one needs to be patient because decisions are not rushed, punctuality is not the norm (though it's expected of you) and what was the third one? So far, that's a check and a check. There was a major language barrier and we were trying to get the place for the 15th, instead of Oct.1st and now I'm wondering if he will take the other couple because they could move in right away. However, they were from Australia and did not have references, where as we have lived here, at the same place, for 5 years and we have a excellent record (never missed a rent cheque).

If this is how competitive it is to get an apartment, I can imagine what it's like to be in the market to buy. The Vancouver real estate market is insane right now. There's no way that the bubble is not going to burst. We would like to own but it's not going to happen for awhile.

Oooo, ooo, the other good reason for living near a university is that there likely won't be as many pregnant women around (is that crazy talk?). Whenever I go to Granville Island, which is where I always walk to from where we live now, there are pregnant ladies everywhere. I mean, I'd hang out there too if I was on mat leave or had small children. Everytime I'm there (2 or 3 times a week) I spot about 5 pregnant ladies. Then it becomes like a litmus test for me for how I'm feeling that day about pregnancy, babies, loss, the 12 month wait etc.

Okay, I'm really procrastinating about grocery shopping. That's because if I go grocery shopping then I'm that much closer to going to the Cancer Agency tomorrow. And I've got to get up so fucking early (pardon the French). Alright, alright, I'm kickin' my butt out of this chair and driving up to the IGA. No more hospital food for me. Blak!