It's my last official day of summer vacation. I feel somewhat emotional. This morning I had to get up early to do a phone interview for life insurance. Malcolm is convinced that we need life insurance which I know is his way of affirming that things are going to go well for this pregnancy. But it freaks me out, in some superstitious way. It feels like it's tempting fate or something. Anyways, I had to go through all of my medical history (something I'm getting very used to at this point). I'm glad the interviewer (woman) didn't comment on anything. I didn't want to have to explain a molar pregnancy. It seemed like she had heard of it. Maybe she's a nurse?

I haven't heard anything from the midwives. I guess their philosophy is that everything is going fine unless something comes up (like bleeding or pain). I want a bit more hand-holding though. She said that they are conservative about offering ultrasounds but that they are open to it when it's about easing anxiety. Oh, it's about easing anxiety alright. I think Malc and I have decided to get the $500 prenatal screen from a private clinic. It scares the hell out of me. A part of me wants to stick my head in the sand and let it all work itself out but...there's that other part that wants the information, wants to be able to choose.

My pregnancy symptoms are very tolerable (thankfully). Sore, heavy breasts, occasional nausea, heightened sense of smell, cravings. I worry about miscarrying. I was 12 weeks in my first pregnancy before I started to bleed. I didn't have an early ultrasound that time. What would it have shown? Would I have seen a heartbeat? Would it have been low? Or was I one of the 3% that miscarries after seeing a heartbeat (or is it hearing a heartbeat?). When is it safe for me to trust that everything's okay? Most of the time I'm thinking of other things and trying not to focus on this pregnancy. Although, I do think about the time that's passing. 7 weeks 1 day. Still so early. Wish I could have certainty.

Still off coffee. It's been about 3 weeks. I'm doing okay with that. Wish I wasn't going back to full-time work but it sure does make time pass quickly. I'll need to make time for relaxing. And exercise.