Not sure if I have much to talk about today. I've been feeling pretty good in the past few days. I'm glad I can start school knowing that this pregnancy is progressing well so far. There are some niggly fears that come and go. I'm trying not to give them too much attention. At the moment, I'm wondering if we ought to pay for the nuchal translucency test or not. It costs $500. It's only covered for women over 35. We're discussing whether it's even necessary but I think it would make me feel better. It feels early to be thinking about that but I would have to book it soon in order to get an appointment. They test between 11 to 14 weeks. I'm in week 7. What has everyone else done about that test?
I had this experience last week that made me really uncomfortable. I was at work and noticing this women who I thought looked pregnant. I don't know this woman very well because we haven't worked together much (it's a huge school). Anyways, the next day I found out that she had announced her pregnancy the day before to the whole staff. That was when I was at my midwife's appointment. I had the strangest reaction. I felt kind of jealous or something. I think it's because she looks so assured that it will be an uneventful pregnancy. And I hope it is. But I've feel like I've misplaced that confidence and I don't know if I'll ever be able to get it back. I've witnessed so many women at our school get pregnant and have babies without event. And then there's me. I guess that I'm feeling sorry for myself which is stupid because I am grateful to be pregnant. I am grateful that we get pregnant easily. Also, I have no idea which people are having trouble conceiving or who has had a recent loss. They may not tell anyone at work. I felt surprised by my reaction to this young woman's pregnancy. I felt somewhat ashamed of myself. Weird. And it also made me worry about announcing. I don't want to do that and I think I'll just let my belly announce. Sometimes I hate working with so many women. Mostly, I think that working with women is great. But the cluckiness about babies drives me a little batty.
posted by Chantelle @ 4:36 PM
1 Comments:
NT Scan - Ouch. Expensive! I had it last week, but it was not as expensive here. More like $200. Very reassuring, though. I'm glad we did it.
The work women - I can't tell you how much I relate to you! I have two work colleagues and one good friend all due within a week or two of me and I am so embarrassed about my reaction to their pregnancies (especially the work women) that I couldn't even blog about it! I was angry and upset that they all fell pregnant so easily and jealous that they were stealing my thunder after I have waited so long! And now jealous that they've had no problems at all. They're all younger than me. Two of them are 5 years younger. And I have really resented people being positive about my pregnancy at work, because I feel like they are playing down the hard time I have had previously. So twisted. I guess it is all still unresolved grief and anger that I am yet to work through. So thanks for sharing your experience. It makes me feel more sane! And makes me think I should reflect on these reactions more to get to the bottom of what is going on in my head!
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