Okay, I think I've calmed down a bit. I have an appointment with the midwives next week. After the second time I called, they said they had a cancellation and they could fit me in first thing in the morning. They can schedule me for an early ultrasound. My friends have been emailing me names of their doctors. So far, the ones I've called are not taking new patients. I broke down and cried for an hour and then went to sleep. I know that I'm getting worked up. I headed over to babyfruit and read through the beginning stages of pregnancy 5. It was comforting. I feel the need to whine and moan. Today when I was crying, I realized that I am crying partly because I don't want to go back to that stressful school. I feel so negative and emotional today. Is it the going off coffee that's making me crazy? At only 5 weeks, I can't imagine the hormones are the cause. I feel traumatized by the medical system. The thought of getting back into that system makes my skin crawl. So, thank the goddess that the midwives can see me sooner than Sept.12th, the original booking the first time I called. I suspect there may be a few more weepy days before the first ultrasound. It's all so out of my hands.