Starting to freak out

Okay, so I stupidly decided to take another pregnancy test this morning, thinking that the line would darker than last time. Well, it wasn't. It was about the same. It was a sickening moment. Shouldn't my hcg be doubling? Shouldn't that make the line darker? To the internet. It seems like it may not necessarily be a bad sign. It seemed like the general consensus was to only trust beta-hcg blood tests and the early ultrasound. One site said to not even be that concerned with hcgs - that the ultrasound gave the most conclusive results. I'm only a little over 5 weeks. If this pregnancy is not going to take then I would prefer it ends sooner than later. And what's making it all worse is that I don't have a good f'ing doctor. I still don't know what to do. I know I don't want to see my gp. I'm leaning towards the midwives and they are so close. Their office is literally 100 feet away from where we live. I'm also emailing everyone I know to try and see if they can recommend a good doctor. I could go to a clinic but then I have to go back to that doctor for the results. I feel so hopeless today. I hate going into doctor's offices - it makes me feel sick. And now pregnancy is just associated with disappointments and sadness. I think today will be spent in bed underneath the covers.