A Whole New Name
In the spirit of change, I have decided to change my blog's name to affirm what I want in life (and in my ovaries). Not that I'm a huge pusher of positive thinking but I do think that there is some truth in affirming the good.
I've been reading a book called "Loving What Is" by Byron Katie. The process that she has written about is quite simple. Four questions that have you inquire into your thoughts and beliefs. You're suppose to inquire into something that is bothering you. So I tried it out and I thought that I would share.
Thought: I am worried that I could have another miscarriage/pregnancy loss.
Question 1: Is it true?
Yes I am worried and yes, I could have another pregnancy loss.
Question 2: Can you absolutely know that that's true (that the miscarriage will happen)?
No
Q3: How do you react when you think that thought?
I feel hopeless, like I want to give up. I feel like I'll never be able to have a baby. I get tense and stressed. I feel depressed. I feel resentful of other women who have babies without any problems. I get annoyed at my friends for telling me that "stress caused this to happen". I keep picturing my previous (natural) miscarriage and all the blood, fear, loss and grief. I relive that piece of my myself dying. I relive that nightmare
Q4: Who would you be without the thought "I could have another miscarriage."?
Peaceful. I could be happy now and in my next pregnancy. I wouldn't be so tense and stressed out. I could enjoy myself - now and in my next pregnancy.
Turn-around: I am worried about my thinking that I could have another pregnancy loss.
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I tried this process with things that were bothering me about my mom and I had some big insights. When I tried it with this thought (above) I didn't have the same light-bulbs going off. I get that I'm worried about something that may not happen and I see the pain that it causes me, however I don't feel the catharsis that I experienced when I did the process regarding my thoughts about my mom.
Katie says that the there is no need to drop the thought but it will drop you after you go through this process. She says that sometimes it is subtle. I keep doing it with different thoughts that come up regarding my fear, anger, disappointment, jealousy.
Her blog has a bunch of videos showing her doing "the work" with a number of different people. My favourite one is when she is facilitating the process with a man in prison.
Recently, I've been really bothered about the wait time. It really brings me down when I think about waiting for another 10 months. That seems like such a long time. That's enough time to grow a baby and deliver it. My oh my.